Unexpected Shifts
Sooo… I've been heavy into manifesting trying out the things. Feeling like I'm pressing buttons or saying something out loud to see if it works. ✨️ Throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks… Nothing that I had considered note worthy or significant has been happening. Nothing that I was ready to identify as the universe answering my calls or call them signs. The spaghetti I was throwing was not sticking…
A few weeks ago I had been struggling to decide if I wanted to renew my lease and stay here for another year. If I'm being honest, I didn't want to. I haven't felt a connection here, I love the area, but didn't feel like I really wanted to stay. But, I didn't know where I wanted to go or what that looked like. So, it would be easier if I stayed another year, that would give me time to figure it out. But, let's be honest, I have already had a year and I didn't figure it out, sooo since it wasn't a full body yes to staying here, it was a sacred no. I put in my notice that I wasn't renewing my lease.
Uh, so now what? I need a plan, something, right?…The plan, I'd stay with my sister temporarily and Devyn has a stable place with her dad. I had been excited about what this could mean, not being tied down to a lease and big living expense, felt exciting. So packing and moving started.
My sister offered her place to me and my daughter immediately, no hesitation, no second thought. Right away making space for me and my daughter. It would be tight 3 bedrooms, 5 people, 3 kids, 1 bathroom, 2 dogs, chickens… Gulp. She made this space for me all while also navigating the craziness that comes with a divorce, children, and custody agreements.
Then last Friday happened… I stopped at Starbucks for my morning coffee and I have been speaking intentions into my coffee. Something I picked up from Haley Hoffman-Smith, if you never heard of her, check her out. Anyway, Friday before taking my first sip of coffee, I said this coffee tastes like freedom. Then drank my coffee, went to work, and went about my day. I answered emails, went to a morning meeting, just a normal work day. Until a little after 10am, my director asked me to come to his office.
After a short uncomfortable conversation, I was laid off. 🤯
It was surely unexpected, but instead of fear… I felt nothing but relief and gratitude. This is making space for the next big chapter of my life. I hesitated posting about it, not wanting to talk about it too soon, or it would be taken away. Thinking that after initial shock wore off, maybe I'd be scared. But, it hasn't happened. Because I'm not viewing this from a place of fear, I am seeing this as opportunity. A response to what I've been asking for, what I've been wanting. ✨️
Fast forward a few days… I stayed with my sister a few days. Trying to prepare, make space, start getting acclimated to what things would look like. 📦 Last night, my daughter and I came home to pack and get more stuff with plans to return to my sisters. I woke up this morning, gave my coffee the intention of discernment today. Shortly after, I found myself texting my sister to let her know that me and Devyn wouldn't be staying with her. Not my story to tell, but the unsettling situation of her divorce and all that comes with that for her… Isn't part of my story. I struggled because, where else will I go? Feelings of abandoning my sister, not helping when I could… or should. But, I decided to choose me. I'm not abandoning my sister, I am here and will always be here for support. But, this is me not abandoning myself. Choosing my mental health over the easiest, logical option.
The emotional release that came with this decision… caught me off guard. 😭 I've used the entire day to just be honest with the feelings that were coming up, letting myself feel them, and spending time with my daughter. It was a slow and easy, no pressure kind of day.
Tomorrow, I will list out and explore my options for what could be next for me. But, not working and no tie to a specific location, I'm excited about what the universe is trying to show me. ✨️💚
P.S. Before all these big shifts happened… I had another branding photoshoot, so check out some of the pictures I got back. The Universe, God, Source… whatever it is you believe, really has an interesting way of revealing plans. I may not know what they are… I don't need to. I'm just here to live life and tell my stories. 💚✨️
