When Speaking Up Feels Like a Setback — But Isn’t

There’s a moment that comes for many of us in the workplace. A moment when a line gets crossed—not softly, not slightly, but boldly and unapologetically.

A couple of weeks ago, I experienced just that.

I had scheduled a personal appointment and informed my manager in advance. When I returned to work, a colleague—who has a history of speaking to me in degrading ways—told me I looked “stupid” and was “an idiot” for coming back. Those words weren’t just unprofessional, they were personal. And they were not okay.

I calmly told him I didn’t appreciate his language and that I had cleared everything with my boss. Then, I followed up professionally by requesting a meeting with management to address the ongoing pattern of disrespect.

I expected to be heard. Instead, I was stunned.

The meeting that followed wasn’t focused on his behavior. It became a conversation about me—about my time, my availability while working from home, and how my colleague had “merit” in his frustration. Merit... for calling me stupid.

I sat there in disbelief. The very act of advocating for myself somehow became a reason to question my performance.

It would have been easy to shut down. To regret speaking up. To convince myself it wasn’t worth it.

But that’s not the story I’m writing.

This is the moment we redefine “professionalism.”

It is not professional to allow a colleague to degrade another and justify it because of frustration.

It is not leadership to shift accountability away from the person causing harm and onto the person speaking up.

And it is not okay to create a culture where asking for flexibility means you’ll be penalized or passed over.

I sent a follow-up message. I stated clearly and firmly that under no circumstance does a coworker’s frustration justify abusive language. I reinforced that my time is between me and my manager—not for policing or gossip. I reclaimed my voice.

This isn’t just my story—it’s a reality for many women in corporate environments. We laugh off microaggressions, normalize toxic behavior, and shrink when we’re told we’re “too sensitive” or “not a team player” for wanting respect.

But here’s the truth:

You are not difficult for demanding dignity.

You are not dramatic for expecting professionalism.

You are not wrong for needing your workplace to be safe, inclusive, and supportive.

If you’re navigating a toxic work environment, know this:

Your voice matters. Your boundaries are valid. And even when it feels like you’re being punished for speaking up—you are laying the foundation for change.

And that, my friends, is never a setback.